UPDATE 2:10pm 21.9.16……I’ll put this at the top so people don’t worry….
In the words of the infamous (and slightly dodgy) R Kelly…..”I believe I can fly”!!!
After a VERY thorough docs appointment (oxygen, pulse and BP all tip top), whereby the doc was more nervous than me bless her heart, I am now on antibiotics and had a quick blood test up the hospital to check my kidney function. All being well tomorrow morning with my results, I should be allowed to fly. Talk about flying by the seat of my pants!!
Needless to say I did ask about drinking and apparently I’ll be ok as long as I don’t binge drink. Given I have the alcohol tolerance of a spotty teenage boy at the mo, I should be fine! Binge for me is 2 shandy…… everything crossed for tomorrow xx
Howdy!
Hope you’re well?
I’m not…..am now suffering with my first chest infection since leaving hospital and if I’m honest, I’m shit scared. I’m off to the docs at 12:30 today after having been offered the quickest appointment known to man! A couple of things, well, more than a couple, are troubling me.
1 – I cannot, will not, get as ill as I was before again, I just can’t go through that again. Although I do find hospital strangely comforting. I had a colonoscopy recently and napped in the pre-op ward. The nurses thought I’d already had my sedative as I guess most people don’t nap before an op, but for me, the bed, the smells, the noises, the lights, it all felt so very comforting, I just dozed off. I feel very safe in hospital, and the food at NGH is awesome, I mean, who wouldn’t want Galone’s ice cream each day??
2 – I am due to fly to Munich tomorrow for Oktoberfest for hubby’s 40th birthday pressie with our 2 besties Kylie and Mike. I’ve not flown all year as I’ve not been allowed due to the cabin pressure on my chest. I’m very concerned the pain I’m in now will be compounded after/during the flight.
3 – I am terrified of the pain. My chest hurts, I’ve been awake all night, I feel as if I’ve smoked 1,000 fags. I puked last night with all the crap on my chest. I thought this would be the end of my chest infections now I don’t smoke anymore but no, still coughing. Thankfully I’m not coughing up blood as I was in Feb so let’s hope that’s a good sign.
4 – What if I’m not allowed to fly? I’ll have to let Adam go on his own with Mike and Kylie, he’ll still have loads of fun I’m sure but I won’t be with him.
5 – what if I can fly, but can’t drink?????????????? Oktoberfest on lemonade just doesn’t have the same ring to it!! I’ve been googling which antibiotics I can drink on but none really encourage any drinking, let alone attending a beer festival and drinking…BOLLOCKS!!!
Anyhoooo…..focussing on the positives is the headline of this blog so now I need to do that and stop whinging about what may or may not happen today/tomorrow. I’ve had my first counselling session with a therapist to help tweak my view of the world as I’ve been in the dumps for a while now. As I near the end of my back to work plan, the thought of working 5 days a week full time fills me with dread, I just don’t think I can do it. However I need to look at what I have achieved, and not what’s to come. I didn’t think I’d be able to do a lot of the things I take for granted now, and I’m sure in time, I’ll be able to do a full week of work without blinking.
Stuff I can do now that I couldn’t do before (from a list my Mum has kept for me):
- Walk up and down stairs unaided
- Prepare a meal
- Walk the dogs
- Work on PC for several hours
- Post on facebook, send messages on messenger (honestly, I could not input my password in the hospital, Adam had to do it for me, I couldn’t raise my arms for days. I just sat there looking at a half entered password for about 3 hours!!)
- Drive 2 different cars
- Go shopping
- Go to a gig (Bruce Springsteen, rocking it in my rolator!!)
- Go to Ascot (again, rocking the rolator!!)
- Meet with boss in Leicester (I can now drive to Burton and back in a day!!)
- Shower unaided
- Dress unaided
- Visit ITU (I’ve been back 3 times now)
- Visit dentist unaided
- Organise personal accounts
- Book and cancel 2 holidays!!
- STOP SMOKING!!!!! *mum put this in capitals
- Attend ICU steps support group (3 times now)
- Support Adam
- Write and continue online blog (this thing right here)
- Stay away overnight with friends (I’ve now stayed away overnight in a hotel on my own for work!!)
- Shown Mum how to use laptop
- Take control of my hair (Adam shaved it off when it fell out, I now keep it very short as I like it and it’s cheap! However, he needs to work on his ears and sideburns as I have had to do a little tidy up myself recently!)
- Used mobile phone (believe me, this is one thing I now take completely for granted)
- Spent nearly a whole day up and out of bed (10/6/2016). I’m up all day most days now except at weekends when I recover. Also Adam won’t give up the downstairs TV so I have to go upstairs to bed which pisses me right off but I get to snuggle with my dog Jasper and then, well, I just nod off!!
- Puppy training with pups….God that nearly killed me!!!
- Supported colleague on phone over difficult situation at work.
- Walked Jasper around BIG block. I now walk 3 dogs at once 2.5KM a day….pretty good eh?
- Sorted out Mum’s mix up at bank (she paid cheques in her name into my account….)
- Staying up longer
- Prepared breakfast for Mum. Did this today too, we had peanut butter on toast with banana….a Victoria Pendleton recommendation from my time at Premier.
- Have a friend to stay overnight
- Spoke to PCSO re next door (sadly have had to do this a few times now)
- Drive to and from Carrie’s funeral *to explain, I’d not driven in rush hour traffic before, and was worried how I’d cope but I did ok, we just spent the time talking about Carrie and it took my mind off it. Her funeral was amazing, we all wore pyjamas, and cried a lot.
- Mixed with 200 people at funeral *again, I was worried about being in large crowds but I coped ok
- Did a dog run by myself (I’ve done a few now)
- Went into office for a whole day!! (I’ve now done 2 back to back days in the office with an evening meal and hotel stay inbetween)
- Did a presentation using a flip chart
- Explained GSCOP to team *correction, I tried to explain GSCOP and realised I couldn’t articulate it very well, so went home, looked it up and sent out info to team!!
So many of the above I now take for granted, I just need to remember how far I’ve come and not beat myself up over what I have left to do, despite the shortened timescale I have available. In the words of my therapist, I’m my own biggest critic and the only one who thinks I’m not doing a good job.
Righto, off to docs now, I may, or may not, be going to Oktoberfest tomorrow….wish me luck!!
Laters taters
Debs xxx
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